hanging by a moment

I was really struck today, thinking about my story, how I came to know the Lord... A big part of my story has to do with looking for REAL love in all of the wrong places. I remember hearing the song "Hanging By A Moment" by Lifehouse at the start of freshman year of high school and thinking, "Man, THAT'S what I want!"

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

I always assumed that a person would make me feel that way. But it wasn't until many failed attempts at relationships and looking for love and identity in other people that I was left completely empty. That's when I started to seek out God. I found him and realized that the way I had been living my life was not worth it and I wanted to live for him. Shortly after, I got distracted again by a boy before I could really find my identity in Christ.

Eventually, I got on the right path, by myself, with God and was more aware of his love for me than I had ever imagined I would be. It was then, in early 2007 that I was listening to the song again and realized... this is how I should feel about God! This song isn't about a relationship with a person at all... it's about a relationship with the all-powerful, all-knowing, Creator of the Universe.

What if we all could just know that? What if we all could just feel that? Can't we just...

Desperate for changing, starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started while chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Forgetting all I'm lacking, completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation, you take all of me now

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

There's nothing else to lose, there's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world that can change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
There is nothing else

Desperate for changing, starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started while chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you...

overwhelmed

o·ver·whelm (ō'vər-hwělm', -wělm')
tr.v. o·ver·whelmed, o·ver·whelm·ing, o·ver·whelms

1. To surge over and submerge; engulf
2. To affect deeply in mind or emotion
3. To present with an excessive amount
4. To turn over; upset

"overwhelmed." The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Houghton Mifflin Company, 2004. 08 Sep. 2009. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/overwhelmed>.

This seems to be quite descriptive of my life right now. I just feel very overwhelmed by everything. I'm living in a new place, with new people who I don't know well yet. I don't really have a job (subbing should be picking up soon I hope) We're spending time with LOTS of new people who I'm just meeting for the first time. Everything is just all new. Everything.

Please don't misunderstand me. I'm by no means trying to complain. I know that I chose this path, that this is where God is leading me... just for right now, I feel so overwhelmed. By everything.

"From the end of the earth will I cry to You, when my heart is overwhelmed and fainting; lead me to the rock that is higher than I." Psalm 61:2

like Paul

I think what I have been experiencing lately may be similar to what Paul experienced when he surrendered his life to Christ. Letting go of everything that the world considered to be important and following where God was leading him. Sounds great, doesn't it?

What we forget about that decision is that it is radical. Meaning that the world doesn't understand it and, therefore, persecution and ridicule follows.

Because I am choosing the path that I know God is laying out for me, which is not at all what anyone would call safe and secure by looking at it, I am being persecuted for my decision. I know being in the center of God's will is the safest place to be and this is absolutely where I want to be...

I just didn't anticipate that wanting to live with reckless faith would be like this. But I suppose that's how it always works out, huh? Not like we ever expected....